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#POUNDTAKE: THE BIRTH OF A CIRCUIT QUEEN

#PoundTake

The Birth of a Circuit Queen

This story begins with Brandon Filmore. Brandon was a big deal in his hometown of Cleveland. Every year or so, Brandon and his friends, Eugene Titebotum, Devin Krotchgrab, and Lucy Gooche go on their annual road trip. This year will be different because this year Brandon is 21. No more fake I.D.’s or offering sex to bouncers to get in underage. Brandon wanted to do something special for his newfound adulthood. Brandon wanted to go to his very first rave. His three friends have partied at raves in the circuit before and even had a group rave name (you can’t go to a rave without a rave name). Lucy, Eugine, and Devin would all stand in order for the whole party and go by L.E.D. These circuit hoes were so dedicated they even strapped a small string of lights that flashed across their private areas to drive their pun home. This story will tell how Brandon became the Queen of Swallapalooza.

It’s just after 6pm, and the gang arrives at the campsite just outside of Spidersnatch, Tennessee. Swallapalooza is already underway. Hundreds of thousands of young, fresh, college students show up to experience their first rave. Brandon & L.E.D walked the half-mile up to the party entrance all while smoking a joint and passing around poppers. Brandon was a good looking guy with a great build. Brandon was shirtless wearing a silver hula skirt and had on body glitter. Lucy looked at him and said, “I have you rave name.” Brandon said, “What is it?” “Dizco. You look just like a disco ball right now, and you can spell it with a Z as in “diz cool.” Brandon seriously wondered if that joint she smoked was laced with crack, because when the hell would he be spelling his name at a goddamn rave? But he had no better options so he said, “sweet.”

The gang made it up to the entrance. The party was jumpin. Bitches got their boobies hangin out, dudes dancing with just a sock covering their dangalang. The music was blasting, and L.E.D. rigged their crotch lights to flash to it. Dizco was ready to find his rave prince and dance the night away. As they made their way closer to the stage, Dizco notices a guy eyeing him. They’re all really high by this time, but Dizco knows when a guy is interested in him. Lucy sees the interaction and whispers in Dizco’s ear, “jam your thumb up his butt.” “What?!?!” Dizco says. Lucy says, “just kidding, but you should go talk to him. Single rave guys don’t stay single for long.” Lucy was right. Just as Dizco looked back up at him, he was lost in the crowd. Dizco received his first disappointment at his first rave.

Just as Dizco was about to search the crowd for other dudes, the guy he was peering from across the dance lawn was setting up on stage. He was the headlining DJ! His banner read “DJ PecTeaser.” As the speakers belted out the EDM techno trash that those festivals play, DJ PecTeaser pointed at Dizco to dance in the front row. Dizco was not going to miss his second chance. As Dizco ran to the front, L.E.D. followed. When Dizco started to dance and twirl to the music in his hula skirt, L.E.D. formed a circle around him. L.E.D even used their string of lights to reflect off of him as he danced. This is when everyone in the crowd took notice because with all of Dizco’s silver and body glitter, he started to shine just like a disco ball. And PecTeaser started the chant into the mic, “Dizco, Dizco, Dizco!!! The whole crowd joined in. Dizco was Swallapalooza’s source of light. And that might friends, was how a circuit Queens was born.

The End


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